


Secret

by mywinterbuckybear



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Crying, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Loki Angst, Loki Love, Loki fluff, Loki is with the avengers, LokiCap, Protective Steve, Steve being pissy, Thor is an amazing brother, loki being cute, loki impersonating cap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 07:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16949823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywinterbuckybear/pseuds/mywinterbuckybear
Summary: Reader and Steve is really close with her being Steve's second-in-command. They tell each other everything, everything but the small detail that she and Loki are dating and Steve cannot find out since he still resents Loki for obvious reasons.[Y/N] kept their relationship a secret from everyone until Loki started questioning the real reason why they had to hide.





	1. Chapter 1

“Remind me to go pair up with Sam the next time,” [Y/N] huffed as the two entered the gym.

Steve just chuckled at her as she sat on one of the equipment, catching her breath as she wiped the sweat from her brows. “C'mon, [Y/N], it wasn’t that bad.”

[Y/N] raised her head and snapped, “sure, because going three laps around a massive fucking base was just nifty.”

Steve let out a laugh, knowing well that [Y/N] wasn’t used to his training. “Well, try not to get a late start next time so we could go for four.” Steve winked, only receiving a deserved middle finger from [Y/N].

Steve shook his head, laughing as he did. He honestly missed getting to spend time with [Y/N] since they don’t get paired in missions anymore and also she reads on most of her free time and he’d hate to interrupt. So this was a treasured moment. Though the smile dropped from Steve’s face when his eyes caught sight of a particular person.

“Rogers,” The voice greeted rather formally. Steve could only grate his teeth together as the man glanced over and nodded to the woman. “[Y/N].”

“Loki,” Steve interrupted immediately, taking a step closer as if breaking the eye contact he and [Y/N] had. Steve didn’t want to waste any time. “Is there a reason you’re here?”

Loki placed his full gaze back to Steve, eyes blank of any emotion although the ghost of a smirk still played on the edge of his lips. “Can’t it just be that I want to drop by and say hello?” He shrugged innocently, keeping a gentle look on his face.

Steve crossed his arms, keeping a calm expression even though it was obvious that he was annoyed. “If you don’t have anything to say then I’m sure hello can wait.”

The two men passively aggressively stared at each other, no one wanting to back down first. The innocent look on Loki’s face was really getting on Steve’s nerves. because he knew it was on purpose. [Y/N] sensed this and immediately tried to subtly stop it before it blows up.

[Y/N] keened at Loki until she held contact that thankfully got the message. Loki dropped the teasing look on his face, taking a breath before putting up the most neutral expression he can manage. “Stark told me to inform you that you will be needed and since I was passing the gym and heard you, I thought I would pass the message.”

“Thanks, message received,” Steve stated, obviously wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible. He could sense Loki’s eyes shift to [Y/N] and he couldn’t feel anymore uncomfortable. “Anything else?”

Loki gave an innocent teasing grin, one that he knew Rogers hated. “Not that I can think of.”

Before Steve could reply and ask him to leave, the prince had already walked past him and faced the woman waiting behind him. “Greetings, [Y/N].”

[Y/N] instantly smiled at how smooth he was, trying to subtly bite her lips to stop herself from grinning when Loki even made an effort to lightly bow to her. “Morning, Loki.”

“You look especially lovely today.” Loki smiled, letting the charming words roll off his tongue naturally. “But that appears to be a daily occurrence.”

“Thanks,” [Y/N] coughed, nodding as she hid her smile from the words Loki would just causally throw at her as if it was his mother tongue to be kissing ass. “You don’t look too shabby too.”

Loki beamed at that, admiring [Y/N] in all her glory, momentarily forgetting about Rogers. Only when she raised an eyebrow is when he started to sputter, remembering what he had for her. “I thought you may need this.”

[Y/N] raised an eyebrow as Loki’s hands started to emit a famously greenish mist. And in front of her eyes, a small chilled water bottle appeared in his hand.

Loki handed the bottle over to [Y/N] with a proud smile. “Oh, wow, thank you.”

[Y/N] smiled back at him. The simple gesture almost making Loki melt. When she realized that he was almost staring, she cleared her throat.

“Oh, I’ll go now, I still have my reading to catch up to,” Loki reasoned, straightening out his back to which [Y/N] nodded. “I’ll see you in the library later on then.”

The mere thought putting a smile on Loki’s lips. He nodded, almost excited for later. “I wish you a good day, [Y/N].”

“You too, Loki,” [Y/N] greeted back as the man slowly retreated for his leave, full attention not leaving her. Loki didn’t even notice how Steve has been trying to sear a hole through his head. Maybe he did, he just didn’t care.

“Rogers,” Loki stated as he side glanced over to Steve, only momentarily acknowledging his presence before he turned and made his way out the gym as the two were left, watching him leave.

“[Y/N],” Steve called out, arms folded in front of his chest.

“Aren’t you two too buddy buddy nowadays?” Steve asked. He knew [Y/N] wanted every avenger to feel welcomed and she had a habit of giving everyone a chance first but he thought Loki was where she crossed the line.

“I don’t know what you’re saying, Steve,” [Y/N] defended nonchalantly, opening the bottle. “We read and enjoy books together, so what?”

“Just because I don’t hold a huge grudge against him and despise every fiber of his being like someone, it doesn’t automatically mean I already hopped onto his train,” [Y/N] murmured, just loud enough for Steve to hear before she took a sip of water. She could almost see the frustration cloud his features.

“It’s not that I hate him, it’s just-” he paused, trying to find the right words. “It’s just I still don’t feel comfortable with him being here.”

 _Okay, he’s talking. That’s progress._  “You think he shouldn’t be?” [Y/N] asked, wanting to hear what really bothered him.

Steve sighed. “Maybe.”

[Y/N] nodded. “He helped me a lot on a lot of missions, Steve. Yeah, Loki’s not a team player but he knows how to fight. That’s good for us,” she reasoned.

“Let’s acknowledge the fact that his well-endowed ego got deflated by a long shot ever since he first got here,” [Y/N] pointed out, knowing Steve couldn’t ignore that fact.

“Which was a massive change according to his own brother,” [Y/N] added as she followed Steve go towards the punching bags. The man took some bandages and starting to wrap his hands, almost ignoring her.

[Y/N] sighed, seeing as her words breeze right through him. He had his back faced towards her, more focused with his wraps more than anything. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, not sure what else to say to change his mind. “He’s making good process, if I say so myself, Steve.”

“You won’t be saying that when he decides to stab us in the back,” Steve spat with poison laced in his tone, continuing to wrap his hands.

[Y/N] almost let out a groan.  _And there it is._

Steve must’ve sensed that because he turned around to face her. “It’s not below him, [Y/N]. If you fought him, you’d understand.”

“But I didn’t,” [Y/N] argued, keeping a small smile to show she didn’t mean anything bad about it. She knew where Steve was getting this from but still.

“And I’m here now and-” She shrugged. “I’m not seeing all that bad.”

Steve scoffed, turning back to face the poor punching bag, giving it a blow. He glared at the bag as if he was picturing someone. [Y/N] knew Steve long enough to know that he already tuned out the conversation.

“He’s really trying, Steve,” [Y/N] muttered softly even though she knew he wasn’t listening. “I hope you’d see that.”

“Maybe I’m just not as blindly positive as you are, [Y/N],” Steve spoke out, a bit of humor in his words as he turned around.

[Y/N] raised an eyebrow at him, causing him to raise his hands in surrender. He let out a chuckle. “Hey, I’ll call it when I see it. And so far, I don’t.”

[Y/N] groaned, letting her head tilt back. “There’s no getting to you.”

“I just don’t see why his father thinks dumping him with us is enough punishment,” Steve continued to rant as he faced the bag again, continuing his assault. “As if Earth equals suffering in Asgard’s books. It’s not fair,” he complained.

“Would you rather we torture Loki here?” [Y/N] asked, serving as Steve froze over her words. “Would that ease you?”

“No, it’s just-” he paused, glancing over to her. She raised her eyebrows, as if telling him to go on.

“Fine. I don’t want him here,” Steve confessed, “I see him walking around free to do what he wants on earth; it doesn’t sit well with me. He’s Loki and I know what he does.”

“None of these acts are going to change my mind,” Steve pressed.

“If Odin shows up on our front door with a leash, saying he’ll be taking Loki off our hands.” He glanced to her eyes, letting her know he meant every word. “No one’s going to be hearing anything from me.”

After that, Steve continued to train, leaving [Y/N] with no progress at all. She pursed her lips, knowing that this conversation was going nowhere. She walked closer to Steve, resting her hand on the punching bag to earn his attention.

“Like I said, Stevie, Loki’s trying. Most of the people here can see that,” [Y/N] tried to explain, despite of the uninterested expression on Steve’s face.  She shrugged. “Hell, even Tony is pretty chill with him now and I heard Loki threw him out the window.”

Steve snorted at that, full aware of how the rest of the team was- maybe except Clint who was still kinda pissed here and there. [Y/N] patted his head. “You’ll warm up sooner or later,” she teased before walking away.

Steve chuckled bitterly, looking over his shoulder. “Unlikely.”

“I don’t know, Cap,” [Y/N] called out as she continued to walk out of the gym, not bothering to look back. “I heard he’s a charmer.”

*

* * *

“Love?” [Y/N] asked lowly as she carefully opened the door to Loki’s room. She entered the room, completely confused as to why it was empty and where the hell did that prince go.

All her confusion faded instantly as towo arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her to an embrace. “Darling,” the voice sang into her ear, instantly putting a smile on her face.

[Y/N] turned around, automatically wrapping her arms around the man’s neck to find the brightest green eyes staring back at her.

Loki smiled, tilting his head. “How is my most beautiful being in the universe doing?”

“Oh? So we’re using ‘my’ now?” [Y/N] joked, raising an eyebrow, hiding the fact that butterflies started to fill her stomach just by being this close.

“Could you blame me?” He breathed out, words rolling off so smoothly off his tongue. [Y/N] laughed, cheeks turning red, “Perhaps I can’t.”

They shared a laugh, staying in each other’s arms, smiles adorning the faces. The comfortable silence surrounding them, gazing into their other’s eyes, faces only inches apart. Loki’s eyes inevitably traveled down to [Y/N]’s lips to which the woman smirked, her eyes sparkling with mischief. Loki took it as an invitation and reached down, softly pressing his lips to hers.

[Y/N] reached up to deepening the kiss, pulling him down by the neck, causing Loki to lightly giggle through the kiss as he tightened his hold around her waist. They pulled away, short of breath. Loki leaned down to press his forehead to his, keeping his eyes on [Y/N]. “I missed you.”

[Y/N] laughed at how unnecessarily cute the prince of Asgard was being. “I’m pretty sure I wasn’t gone for more than a few hours.”

Loki instantly shook his head. “Too long, darling.”

After that, Loki and [Y/N] spent their time closely together, comfortably reading the same book. They would comment on a particular part here and there and would listen to the other’s thoughts before carrying on. Normally, they would require peace and quiet when reading alone, but having the other by their side was different, even pleasant in a way they grew to love.

“Did you have a good time with Steve?” Loki asked as he put down the book, already finished. [Y/N] who was leaning on him hummed happily, remembering that even though it may have been tiring as hell, it was definitely fun.

Loki nodded, pursing his lips before letting his question out. “Did you-?” “Yeah, I tried.”

[Y/N] glanced up to him, making him see the defeat in her eyes. “He still doesn’t trust you. He thinks you have an ulterior motive and is most likely planning to trick us all in the endgame. And frankly, Loki, love, I can’t say I blame him.” [Y/N] could only gaze at him apologetically but he knows she tried her best.

“I understand,” Loki cleared his throat, looking down on his lap. He knew it wouldn’t be easy. “That’s unfortunate. Now it’ll just be more complicated to get him to like me.”

[Y/N] nodded, pursuing her lips at his words before it fully registered in her mind. “Wait, what?!”

She shot up from her position, face ridden with shock. “Do my ears deceive me? The great Loki Odinson seeking some Midgardian’s approval? I never thought I’d see the day,” [Y/N] gasped, hand on her chest.

Loki raised an eyebrow, sporting a ghost of a smirk, amused of his darling’s over the top reactions. “I sought for yours, didn’t I?”

[Y/N] narrowed her eyes at Loki, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “That’s different. It’s not like you’re planning to confess to Steve too, are you?”

Loki only snorted, taking [Y/N]‘a hand to his and playing with her fingers as if they weren’t talking. [Y/N] could see that there was a reason for it. “So what is it?” She asked carefully, not wanting to push any boundaries. “Any particular reason I should know of? Or be prepared for?”

Loki chuckled before he smiled, pressing a kiss on [Y/N]’s hand before he looked at her with a gentle gaze. “He’s my beloved’s dearest friend. I know how important he is to you so I shall see to it that I earn his blessing and approval.” He intertwined their fingers as his tone had gotten more serious. “No matter how long or how risky it may be. Just because I know how much he means to you.”

[Y/N] was speechless, left to stare with disbelief at the Loki’s words before she could find her voice again and smile. “And see? That’s why I love you.”

Loki chuckled at that, before reaching closer to brush her lips with his. “I love you too, my beloved,” he whispered before pulling away, mischief clear in his tone. “But I’m sure there’s a lot of other reasons why you’re in love with me.”

[Y/N] pushed him away as she rolled her eyes, causing Loki to have hearty laugh.

“This is nice,” Loki finally sighed, wrapping his arms around [Y/N]’s waist as his laughter died down. “It is.”

“Not worrying about other people for a moment is relaxing,” he murmured as he rested his mouth on her shoulder.

“You don’t have to worry about Steve, Loki,” [Y/N] whispered out, a BUT tied from her tone. “I’ll try my best to convince him and-”

“And if he still won’t?” Loki asked, glancing up to hero knowing the possibilities.

[Y/N] was quiet at that, he could just feel as her whole mood changed. He couldn’t see her face but he knew she looked distraught and anxious. It may be hard on him to be hiding their relationship but he knew it was a lot more on [Y/N] to hide it from Steve.

“Alright, I have to confess,” Loki blurted out, immediately taking her focus from the previous conversation with a bit more cheerful tone. “I have thought of several ideas on how we could break it to Rogers.”

[Y/N] almost forgot what was bothering just by that excited tone in his words. “Oh, really?”

Loki, with a wide grin, stood up from the bed and got in position, already confusing [Y/N] on a whole new level. “One of it is casting me as an illusion that looks exactly like him and then try to convince him that I am an imaginary portion of his conscience telling him that he needed to trust Loki. Easy as that.” He snapped a finger as if he said the simplest plan ever concocted.

[Y/N] could only stare at him in disbelief. “Wait. What??”

“It worked on Thor a lot of times,” Loki added, shrugging as if that would ease her but it only confused [Y/N] even more. “It worked ever since we were children, and it still does.”

“Here, exactly like this,” Loki started figuring out that she would understand if she could just see it. “I’ve been practicing. Thor told me it’s spot-on.”

Before [Y/N] can even say anything, Loki transformed right in front of her. His whole body morphed into a brightly colored blue, specifically  _the_ original Captain America one and when that wasn’t weird enough, Loki didn’t even have his face anymore. It was Steve’s.

[Y/N] felt her jaw unhinge. “How- How long have you thought about this?”

“Obviously, for far too long,” Loki (???) answered too quickly, still using his own voice as [Y/N] raked her eyes over his form, completely bewildered. “Woah.”

“I know,” Loki chuckled, filled with pride on his own work. “Impressive, isn’t it?” He smirked down at [Y/N]’s face, still shocked and then he stopped himself there when he thought of it. “Let me fix the voice.”

Loki cleared his voice “There you go. Hello, young lady, it is I, the golden boy of the American people, the symbol of honor and patriotism and the bringer of truth and courage. Avengers assemble!”

“Oh my god,” [Y/N] gasped, covering her mouth, absolutely speechless of the sight in front of him while Loki was only getting more and more amused.

“Do you like it?” Loki asked, momentarily taking her attention away before turning around, showing off the perfectly copied Captain America ass. “I can model.”

[Y/N] could only cover her eyes so fast. “No! No! No!”

Loki laughed as he tried to pry her hands away from her face. “It’s no problem, I’m certain I make a good likeness,” he tried to reason out in between his laughter. [Y/N] succumbed, although she was only peeking at him, still weirded out by this whole thing.

“Don’t I?” Loki raised Cap’s eyebrow, or his, [Y/N] doesn’t even know anymore. She just knows she couldn’t stop cringing.

“Yeah, absolutely,” [Y/N] choked on her words, having not idea whether to laugh or cry.

“But you should really remove that illusion now, Loki. It’s getting too freaky,” she giggled nervously, officially weirded out  but Loki still pretended to not see that. Instead he tilted his head to the side.

“Why? Did I not make the suit tight enough?”

[Y/N]’s eyes almost popped off of their sockets when LokiCap glanced at his butt, ready to fix the little thing. “Hold on.”

“Loki, Stop!!” [Y/N] almost screamed out, but Loki only stopped her by getting closer to her her as he dropped the illusion with a happy grin on his face. He was giggling softly, still not able to contain his awe for the woman who was currently pouting in his arms. He curled his finger under her chin to get a better view of her eyes. With all seriousness, he reached closer to whisper our. “Valhalla can never measure up to you, my love.”

“I’d do anything to hear you laugh and see you smile as bright as you do,” he whispered the promise as the smile on [Y/N]’s face only grew.

“Lucky for you then,” [Y/N] teased, playful with her tone. “Because I am currently absolutely free, so you can have all the laughs and smiles you can pull out of me for a whole day.”

Loki released a cute chuckle before a certain familiar glint sparked in his eyes. He tilted his head, reached down and let his breath fan dangerously on the sensitive skin on her neck. “Those aren’t the only things I intend to coax from you,” he rasped, just by her ear, sending delicious shivers up her spine.

[Y/N] clenched her hands to fists behind Loki as she but her lips, feeling her own body heat up just like that. “I swear, Odinson, if you leave a mark again, I’m biting your neck,” [Y/N] threatened, true to her words.

Instead of being intimidated, Loki pulled away and smirked. “That doesn’t sound so bad, does it?”

“You kinky motherf-”

_“Ms. [Y/L/N], you’re being called in by Captain Rogers for a code four level meeting.”_

As Loki heard that, his shoulders slackened as he glanced upwards with disbelief clouding his whole face. “Seriously?” He complained. They were only getting to the good part.

[Y/N], although disappointed herself, suppressed an amused chuckle. “Thank you, Friday. Tell them I’ll be right there.”

Loki let go of [Y/N], knowing she needed to leave but he still couldn’t hide how much his face fell. “Must you go?” He asked, all the happiness in his face has disappeared and this heartbreaking, but kind of cute, frown took its place.

[Y/N] chuckled, placing her hand on his cheek, caressing it softly, “Duty calls,” she explained. [Y/N] was about to retreat her hand when his words stopped her. “Is it more important than me?”

[Y/N] sighed with a sad smile, knowing that he didn’t want her to leave him. “You know the answer to that, Loki.”

“Apparently, I don’t,” Loki answered right after, his frown deepened as he searched her eyes for purchase. But [Y/N] could only give her the same sad smile every time.

“I’ll see you in a few hours, I promise,” she whispered. Loki knew he had no choice anyway. “Alright,” he murmured even if it was against his will, letting his gaze fall to the floor.

Although [Y/N] was ridden with guilt just seeing that look on Loki’s face, she only pressed a kiss on his cheek. “I love you.”

She pulled away from him, walking towards the exit. Just before she closed the door, she gave a small smile his way. Just as it was shut, Loki was left alone in his quiet room again. He sighed, “…love you too.”

*

* * *

“How was the report?” Loki asked as soon as [Y/N] got back, greeting her in her room. He didn’t want to seem needy but he already had too much time on his own from that surprise meeting of [Y/N]’s. He was left with his thoughts like how important was level four anyways? How many levels do they even have? Because he swears he just heard Stark use ‘code level five’ last week for his popping electric bread burner.

“Private stuff,” [Y/N] muttered, walking towards Loki as she ran a hand over her face. The woman rested her face on his chest, tired of the day she had. Loki would lie if he says her words didn’t sting.

“Even for me?” He asked softly. [Y/N] pulled away to look him in the eye. “You know the drill, Loki.”

Loki resisted to scoff, looking away so she wouldn’t see that look on his face, knowing that would make the situation far worse. “Like the one Rogers specifically told you not to tell me?” He pointed out before glancing back at [Y/N], only to see a particular look in her eyes.

“Oh,” Loki bitterly chuckled, taking a step back, “that was just a guess but from that look alone, it appears I’m right.”

Loki turned around before [Y/N] could make any excuses. She didn’t mean to offend him like that. “It wasn’t anything that big but it’s just too complex and too difficult so we decided to postpone it,” she reasoned, taking a step towards him to wrap her arms around his waist. “That we just needed to talk it over before going to the whole team.”

“Everyone is invited,” [Y/N] added, ridden with guilt. “Which counts you.”

“So please, don’t get angry at me,” she whispered, instantly making Loki’s anger disappear. He couldn’t believe how such little words could make him both melt and feel guilty and it wasn’t [Y/N]’s fault.

Loki took hold of [Y/N]’s hands to remove it from his waist. He turned around and raised her hands to his lips, kissing them softly before looking back at her. “How could I possibly stay mad at you?”

*

* * *

“So, that is the core of the mission,” Natasha ended. The entire meeting room of the Avengers were quiet as they listened. [Y/N] and Steve had already discussed its details but I saw it appropriate that the whole team should hear it. They were trying to catch one of Hydra’s uppers.

“This mission calls for stealth and optimum planning. We have to go undercover and it may take days, weeks…” Steve proceeded to list out the people they might need, including almost everyone for their set of skills. [Y/N] was quiet in her seat, most assumed she was deep in thought about the mission but she was actually praying that he wouldn’t notice.

“When do we leave?” Loki asked, turning the pages of the folder in front of him as he scanned its contents. [Y/N] had to close her eyes.

“Loki, you stay here.”

The room automatically quiet down more than it already has. Those who weren’t listening as much now were fully invested as to why Steve said that, although they really know why. “This mission does not count for you,” Steve pressed, staring straight towards Loki.

There was silence, everyone held their breaths for the next words to be exchanged. Loki was merely narrowing his eyes at Steve in confusion. “I beg you pardon?”

[Y/N] closed her eyes. She wished it wouldn’t reach to this point. She could almost count down.  _Here it comes._

“Are you serious?” Loki asked again after a moment of silence that Steve held his ground. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Because that’s obviously a mistake.”

“Just hearing the details of this assignment proves that my set of skills will serve purpose. I can make this easier for everyone and you know that,” Loki pointed out, gesturing to the folder in front of him.

“This mission is too important. I’d rather not risk it by including you,” Steve reasoned as if what he said was just facts. But everyone in the table sank in their seat watching the drama in front of them. Even Thor who was seating right next to his brother couldn’t find it in himself to tell Loki to stand down.

“That’s a reckless strategy,  _Captain_ ,” Loki sneered, trying his best to hold his tongue and failing. “And you know that.”

“I thinks it’s for the best.”

“If you don’t want to waste time, effort and people,” Loki listed out, poison hanging on the edge of his tone, glaring straight at Steve who only glared back like the soldier he is.

“I don’t hear anyone agreeing,” Steve snapped back, shrugging. That’s when a grin cracked in Loki’s face. At that sight, [Y/N] swallowed the forming lumpiness in her throat. It’s too late now.

“Let’s ask your other teammates what they think, shall we?” Loki proposed, fully confident, even when the room had been uncharacteristically quiet this whole time. Steve, on the other hand, refused. “They know I’m right.”

“ _I don’t hear anyone agreeing,_ ” Loki subtly mocked. And that was the exact moment that [Y/N] had given up.

She thought she had been quiet throughout this whole proceeds, but apparently, she sighed out loud and now everyone was looking at her, even those two. “[Y/N], what do you think?” Steve asked, knowing she’d break the tie.

“Yes, [Y/N],” Loki repeated, giving her a wide grin, “what do  _you_ think?”

[Y/N] felt a lump form in her throat again with everyone’s eyes on her. Both was gazing at her confidently, thinking that she would take their side. Sam was the only one in the whole table that was looking at her apologetically. She sighed,I think I have to side with Steve in this one. I think it’s better you stay, Loki.

The smile on Loki’s face fell as he sputtered. “What?”

“I agree that your skills may be appropriate for this mission but-” she bit her lip, remembering the talk she had with Steve. “Your erratic behavior and impulsive thinking can and may lead to casualties so it’s not advisable to-”

“Have two psychopaths in one scene?” Loki snapped, shocking everyone in the room from his words.

“That’s not what I meant,” [Y/N] quickly reasoned but it was no use.

“It might as well be,” he stated, looking her straight in the eye. If it was anyone else, they would think that Loki was mad but [Y/N] knew him. His eyes would gloss over if he was mad.

Before [Y/N] could take it back and apologize, Loki was already out of his seat. “Excuse me.”

With that, he left the room. “Loki!” Thor called, shooting up from his seat. Thor turned back to the other avengers. “Pardon him.” He then ran out to hopefully calm him brother down and make him return but Loki didn’t even look back.

After the door was shut, silence enveloped the whole room. Everyone was glancing at each other, not knowing what to say next. “Awkward…” Clint trailed, still unsure of what happened. “Yeah, it was,” Tony agreed, surprised himself.

“And I thought this would be boring,” Bucky chuckled as he whispered, only to be slapped with a folder on his arm by Sam.

Natasha glared over the two before looking at Steve who hasn’t said a single word, even looking as if Loki never stormed out of the room. “So do we just cancel the meeting then-”

“No, continue it,” Steve answered almost instantly.

For the rest of the meeting, [Y/N] couldn’t focus one bit. [Y/N] could only clench her hand below the table, trying to stop herself from going after Loki too. She didn’t need to make the situation worse. She just knew in her mind that she was never gonna hear the end of this.


	2. Chapter 2

“Loki, talk to me,” [Y/N] sighed, standing in front of Loki who was sitting cross legged on the couch of the library. She has been trying to get him to talk to her but so far, he hadn’t even acknowledged her existence.

[Y/N] sighed, running a hand down their face in frustration. This was one of the times she wished Loki wasn’t as petty as he was patient. “You know, sooner or later, we’re going to have to talk about this. You can’t ignore me forever.”

At those words, the only reaction [Y/N] got was him raising an eyebrow, eyes still calmly focused on his book. [Y/N] just gave up and sat on the floor in front of him. “Okay, look, I’m sorry.”

[Y/N] placed her hand on the book, putting it down as she looked up to him but Loki kept his eyes on the book. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, but I understood where Steve was coming from.“

Loki snorted, looking away, already forgetting the book. [Y/N] took hold of his hand as she continued. “It wasn’t ideal for you to be there,” she explained, trying to meet his eyes. “You have to understand.”

“If you two could not get along here, then it’s most likely you’ll just get in each other’s way out there.” [Y/N] stood up, now holding both of Loki’s hands as he still refused to meet her eyes. “This is the path of least chaos…”

Loki’s head snapped back to her at that, couldn’t believe [Y/N]’s words. “Least chaos?”

Loki finally faced her, annoyance obvious from his look alone. “You think that sacrificing time and energy and maybe even lives for the sake of ego is  _least chaos?_ ”

[Y/N] opened her mouth to explain but Loki added more, his tone turning more and more “Your captain knows I can do that job better than he can. He’s making biased decisions that can result to unwanted results that could potentially affect his whole team and yet, you call that  _least_ chaos?”

“Loki, you’re not listening,” [Y/N] whispered, closing her eyes. She just wished he could see the bigger picture. But Loki had a different view point.

“You don’t trust me, do you?” Loki whispered, eyes focused on her with his face completely emotionless.

“I do!” [Y/N] shouted back instantly, shocked to even hear those words come out of his mouth. “Why would-”

“But you’d rather have him,” Loki interrupted, face still void of any emotion but his words and tone said everything.

[Y/N]’s jaw went slack in disbelief. She closed her mouth and shook her head, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “You’re being so childish, Loki.”

“I’m not. Because you always pick him,” Loki retaliated, standing up from the couch, hands on his hops. He turned back to face [Y/N] who already looked like she was ready for the end of this argument. “You always put him above everything, everyone.”

Loki held [Y/N]’s gaze, not letting the look in his eyes falter, his lips pursed before he whispered. “Sometimes, I think, maybe you actually want him and not me.

[Y/N] sat up, pointing a finger right at Loki’s face. "That’s not true, Odinson, and you know it,” she spat as she stared back at Loki, her experience hardening at his words.

Loki only continued to look at his beloved, coming a few steps closer to [Y/N] without taking his eyes away from hers. His forehead furrowed as sadness slowly overtook his features. “How can I when you spend more time with him than with me?”

“I’m your lover,” Loki reminded. [Y/N]’s shoulders sagged, her anger long forgotten. Her gaze drifted to the floor as she slowly realized her mistake.  Loki’s tone was enough to carve out her heart. “But why do I have to feel like I play second fiddle to Rogers-?”

“Because you have to,” [Y/N] interrupted, looking up with a full expression. “Because we have to.”

She sighed, looking up to Loki who could only watch her in disbelief of her answers. “We already talked about this. Steve would get suspicious if I spend less time with him and we don’t want that-”

Loki bitterly chuckled all of a sudden, his snark rising up. “Remind me again why we don’t?” He went on, a sarcastic grin settling on his lips. “Because I’ve certainly forgotten.”

“Loki.”

“No, really,” Loki insisted, shaking his head, placing his hand on his hips as he looked down to think. “We should just tell them. That would end our problem.”

“No,” [Y/N] stated but Loki didn’t even hear her.

“Would you rather we keep lying to your friends? Keep me in the shadows forever?” Loki asked, his tone dropping a whisper. “Is that what you want?”

“Of course not!” [Y/N] shouted, offended that he’d even think she wanted that.

“Then we should tell them!” Loki shouted right back. “I don’t see your reason! There’s no point hiding this. What can go wrong?”

“Everything!” [Y/N] emphasized before pointing a finger to Loki’s chest. “And you’d know that if you’d just pay attention!” She spat.

“What do you mean pay attention?!” Loki narrowed his eyes at her but then he caught something in her words. He titled his head to look at her better. [Y/N]’s eyes were filled with rage but he saw right through it. “There is something else, is it?” He asked, softer this time.

It caught [Y/N] by surprise, blinking back. “What?”

“There’s more to it! There is!” Loki boomed, his increasing tone grating more on [Y/N]’s nerves as she willed herself to stay calm. But Loki kept berating her, almost screaming at this point. “Tell what it is!”

Loki tried to persuade [Y/N] into talking but she wouldn’t even look him in the eyes. She was pursing her lips, holding her thoughts in, not letting her gaze fall on him. But Loki wouldn’t take that. He took hold of her arm, making her face him. “Tell me what are you so afraid of?!”

“I’m afraid that I’d lose you!” [Y/N] screamed, rendering Loki completely speechless.

“I’m scared that you’ll be gone! I’m scared that you might have to leave!” [Y/N] lashed out, her anger getting the best of her. She took quick breaths of air, glaring at Loki before the words register in her mind and her eyes started to tear up. “I’m… scared,” she whispered.

Loki kept his mouth shut, only looking down at [Y/N] without a word. She ran a hand down her face, frustration clear on her expression. “Steve hates you, okay! For what he thinks are obvious reasons! He hates you!” [Y/N] repeated, glaring right at Loki’s eyes.

“We give him another reason to hate you more, then I’m sure he’s going to find a way to ship you back to Asgard in a second!” [Y/N] pressed, jaw clenched. “And I’m not going to lose you just so you can prove something!”

“I’d rather have you here no matter what,” [Y/N], after a few seconds, talked again, whispering her words as Loki only looked at her with an unreadable expression. “And if we have to keep this going for years. Then I will.”

[Y/N] stared coldly at him, fists balled as she tried to continue glaring at him. But with that kicked puppy dog look on Loki, she couldn’t. So, [Y/N] turned around, thinking the conversation was done but it was far from it.

“Do you think  _I’m_ not afraid?” Loki whispered, cutting through the silence of the room.

[Y/N] stopped in her tracks, shoulders sagging. She turned around, facing Loki who was looking directly at her. Every strong emotion drained from her body just from that glance alone.

“I know Rogers plays a big role in your life,” Loki started, taking a few steps closer towards [Y/N]. She tilted her head up, eyes completely focused on his. His forehead furrowed as he kept his tone low, using a gentle voice he only ever used on her.  “A life I desperately want to be a part of.”

Loki reached down, taking [Y/N]’s hands in his, not breaking eye contact.  “But I can’t have it when I don’t even know where I stand,” Loki whispered,

“Because every time he’s in the picture, you push me out of it, like I don’t matter,” Loki breathed out, choking out a laugh at the last word as if he was holding something back.

[Y/N] could feel the tears start to prick her vision. “Lo-”

“I try to understand it, I do,” Loki insisted, inhaling a sharp breath, forcing out a smile. “I’m trying.”

“I want to be in your life, [Y/N]. I want to belong in it, just like I want you to be in mine.” He genuinely smiled, heart filling up at the thought. But his smile slowly faltered and his eyes glossed with tears, letting go of her hands as he was brought back to earth.

“But how can I do that when you think of everyone else before me?”

[Y/N] felt her chest tighten painfully as the first few tears run down her cheeks. She reached up, placing her hands on his cheeks. “Loki, I-”

“I understand your point and where you stand, [Y/N],” Loki interrupted, looking back at her, seeming as if he was being broken inside. He took hold of her hands, removing them from his face as he kept her eyes on her.

“I understand that that’s your family and you deeply care about them but-” he paused, closing his eyes momentarily as he let go of her hands. He opened them, letting a tear fall. “But, just for once, can’t you think of me?” Loki asked, voice cracking.

[Y/N] didn’t know what to say. She was lost for words. The last time she saw Loki cry was She started to stammer as she tried to reach out for him. “Loki, I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t l-”

Loki quickly pulled away, stepping back from her touch. He wiped his cheeks before averting his eyes from her and settling them on the floor. “You know where the door is,” Loki informed, acting as if nothing happened.

[Y/N] suppressed a sob, trying to reach for him to explain. “Loki, love, ple-”

“Please don’t make me say it again,” Loki pleaded, still keeping his gaze away from her.

[Y/N] stopped, pulling her hand back to her body. She clenched her jaw, willing herself to calm down. She watched him for a moment, desperately waiting for him to take it back or do something but he kept still. [Y/N] got the message. With that, she turned and left.

After she closed the door, more tears just kept rolling down her cheeks. She was shaking. The broken look in Loki’s eyes kept replaying in her mind. She didn’t know what to do. She knew she had fault.

A little ‘ding’ sound interrupted her. [Y/N] quickly wiped the tears from her cheek. It was the sort of alarm Tony programmed to alert the team that it was time for their missions. She started to walk down the hall, into the elevator. All the while, she was trying to calm herself, trying to make herself more presentable. She didn’t want to attract unneeded attention.

As the doors of the elevator opened, [Y/N] hurriedly walked out, focus set on just getting on that damn plane. She didn’t even notice the figure in front of her.

“Woah, easy there-” the person she collided with laughed. [Y/N] only kept her head down but the person already saw how red her face was. “[Y/N]?”

“[Y/N], are you okay?” Steve asked, worried from his tone. He glanced down, trying to get a better look at her.

“Yeah,” she croaked out, voice still rough from crying. She didn’t dare to look him in the eye. [Y/N] knew that Steve wasn’t stupid. He’d know.

“Is something bothering you?” Steve asked right away.

[Y/N] just waved the thought away. Forcing a chuckle out from her lips. “Let’s just get ready for the mission.”

Steve nodded, following [Y/N] into the hall. [Y/N] lead the way, not even turning back to talk to him. Right then and there, Steve knew something was completely wrong. So just as they reached the room where everyone else was waiting, right before [Y/N] could open the door, Steve piped up. “You can tell me anything. I’ll understand.”

[Y/N] was quiet, seemingly thinking over Steve’s suggestion. Then she chuckled, glancing up to him just to send a half smile. “No, I can’t.”

* * *

*

When it was time to leave, Loki wasn’t even there to say good luck or goodbye. It was a rare occasion because normally, Loki would always greet [Y/N] before she goes to a mission when he’s not assigned to go with her. That was a habit of his. Everyone noticed yet no one questioned it.When it was time to leave, Loki wasn’t even there to say good luck or goodbye. It was a rare occasion because normally, Loki would always greet [Y/N] before she goes to a mission. They all thought maybe he didn’t feel like doing it and just dropped it. But being the brother to that kind of person, one would start to notice things.

The other avengers thought it was because he favored [Y/N] more than anyone of them. Tony bet that Loki was just setting up a time for their next book club meeting. Steve refused to talk about it. They thought that maybe Loki was still pissy about being benched that he didn’t show up. Nobody knew that Loki was still in that library, hiding behind an illusion and breaking down.

No one really thought of it. The others had their mission, Tony and Bruce had their lab, while Vision and Wanda had each other. No one really had the time nor the reason to worry about mischievous god. But being the brother to that kind of person, one would see through it all and always make time.

It has been two days since [Y/N] left along with Steve, Natasha, Sam, and Bucky. Since then, Loki couldn’t sleep right. He couldn’t stop worrying about how [Y/N] was. He couldn’t stop imagining everything that might go wrong in that poorly strategized mission. And most of all, he couldn’t stop feeling so anxious when he thinks about what might be left of him when she comes back and says she doesn’t want him anymore.

All those thoughts had plagued his mind. No books could silence them. Nothing could calm him. All that could relax him now was this.

It was the middle of the night, Loki was on top of the roof of the compound. He was seating close to the edge as he quietly admired the stars that glittered the night sky. It was relaxing, almost like therapy. He couldn’t be anymore thankful that [Y/N] had showed him this a long time ago.

It was something that never failed to relax him, to silence the chaotic thoughts in his mind. But Loki couldn’t help but think that [Y/N] would’ve loved to witness this sight. She would’ve even wished on some of them.

Loki was finally calm, even peaceful. But his thought bubble was abruptly popped when a figure sat five feet on his right. Loki didn’t even need to glance to find out who it was.

“Loki,” the person greeted, one could already hear the enthusiasm just from that single word.

Loki sighed, closing his eyes, already kissing his peace and silence goodbye. “What do you need, Thor?”

Thor stood up only to sit closer to his brother, offering a small smile as he shook his head. “Nothing.”

Thor sat just next to him, comfortably glancing up towards the stars. Loki turned his head towards him, narrowing his eyes as he tried to decipher what game his brother was playing.

Thor didn’t seem guilty. He seemed like he didn’t want to annoy Loki. He just sat there quietly, focusing on the night sky. Although Loki knew his brother all too well, Loki let him be.

The two brothers were both gazing upwards, soaking in the peace and quiet they rarely get to appreciate. It was nice, the gentle cold breeze hitting their faces, the soft calming sounds of crickets chirping, along with the vast beauty of space above them. It was truly something they had to appreciate more often.

“Let me guess,” Thor spoke out, breaking through the silence. Loki turned his head towards him, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “Guess what?”

Thor only smiled. “Lady [Y/N]?”

Loki’s eyes bulged as he turned to the man who was now smugly smiling at the sky. “You  _know_?!”

“Of course!” Thor laughed, turning towards his brother to enjoy the look of pure surprise on his face. Loki couldn’t believe it. He knew he and [Y/N] had been careful with coming up with excuses. “But-but… but how?!”

Thor smirked as he took a finger and tapped his temple. “I may be an idiot, brother, but I’m not stupid.”

Loki could only squint at Thor as his brain tried to analyze whatever the hell that moron just said while Thor only confidently smirked. Loki’s forehead furrowed in absolute confusion. “That… that makes no sense…!”

Thor shrugged, titling his head. “Does it?”

Loki’s shoulders sagged as he gave up upon hearing that answer. He knew he wouldn’t be getting a sensible answer from him any time soon. But that only frustrated him even more. He ran a hand down his face.

“So?” Loki spat, side glaring at the man who was still too happy. “You knew, so what? What do you want then?” Loki bargained, showing no emotion but deep inside, he panicked. If this gets out, [Y/N] would be in trouble and that’s the last thing he wants.

Thor sensed this but he only smiled and shrugged. “Nothing,” he answered briefly before turning his attention back to the sky.

Loki narrowed his eyes at Thor, completely baffled by his answer. He opened his mouth to argue or even just inquire what he meant. But Thor was silent, happily gazing at the stars. So Loki sat back and calmed himself down. He pursed his lips and glanced down, taking in the information.

The brothers stayed quiet for that whole moment, that was until Thor leaned over and whispered, “excellent choice.”

Loki stared at Thor and his grin, judging skeptically before a small smile erupted from his own lips. He chuckled.  “Yes, I know.”

Thor nodded, laughing alongside Loki. “Quite the amazing woman,” Thor complimented.

Loki smiled, looking down, just the simple thought of [Y/N] filled him with glee. “She sure is.”

The brothers shared a glance before looking back up. Loki felt much more at ease now. It was as if he never had anything to be worried about. Maybe Thor’s chatty mouth, but other than that, he’s fine. He could relax.

Thor leaned over again, but now there was a bigger shit-eating grin plastered on his face. “Aren’t you going to ask how I knew?”

Now that Loki thought about it, it really didn’t didn’t matter. He knew his brother wasn’t an idiot. He may have his moments but he wasn’t that stupid. Thor knew Loki better than anyone so, in theory, he should’ve known.

Though Loki couldn’t understand where the excitement was stemming from. So he only raised an eyebrow, causing Thor to blow a raspberry and scowl at him. “Of course, you won’t.”

“Because anyone with eyes could see how you two look at each other,” Thor pointed out, tone getting lower and more serious. Loki glanced towards Thor, fully focused on Thor’s words that he knew was genuine. The blond chuckled, glancing up to the heavens. “Sometimes it reminds me of how mother and father looks at each other.”

“It’s a beauty to watch,” Thor added.

That struck Loki. He thought of it for a while. He and [Y/N] were happy. They knew that. They made each other happy. They love each other and he knew that but no one else did. Because she didn’t want them too. And he wasn’t sure why, but that thought hurry him.

“She keeps me in hiding,” Loki whispered, pursing his lips as he kept his head down. The words just rolled off of his tongue as the need to share got too great. “[Y/N] doesn’t want anyone to know.”

Thor furrowed his brows as he slowly nodded. “Why’s that?” He asked lowly.

“Fear. Uncertainty,” Loki listed, shaking his head. “Maybe both. It’s- it’s complicated. I don’t know where we can go from here,” he sighed, clenching his fists. The words just rolling out of his tongue.

“Or if we’ll go on anymore.”

Thor tilted his head, baffled by that last statement. Loki sounded so happy a moment ago talking about [Y/N] but now, his whole mood has changed. He was about to ask why until a certain event popped in his head. “Was it-

"Yes,” Loki answered curtly, looking straight ahead to nothing, not wanting to talk about it.

Thor sucked in his lips, nodding wordlessly. His gaze flickered towards his brother who had a completely empty stare with a glazed expression as he remained completely mute. Thor knew Loki was in pain. Just from listening to his words alone, he figured. But he also understood that he wasn’t the one who’s able to remove that pain.

“Do you want to lose [Y/N]?” Thor asked, keeping his tone gentle and careful.

The question seemed to instantly snap Loki off of his trance. His body squared up as his whole face hardened. “What kind of question is that?!” He boomed, completely offended to even hear those words come out of Thor’s mouth. “Of course not! Why would I ever-!”

“Does she want to lose you?” Thor followed up, cutting him off.

That question seemed to stop Loki. His shoulders sagged by a bit as turmoil crossed his features. He shrunk from that question, the anger he felt a second ago faded that quickly. He wanted to answer back, but he would find himself with nothing to say. Thor only gazed at him with patience, waiting for the answer that even Loki didn’t know. The mischievous god started to stutter as the look of struggle showed in his eyes. But he tried to keep his ground, glaring at Thor as much as he could. “How-how will I know?”

Thor only kept his eyes on him, waiting for the answer to come straight out of Loki’s tongue.

Loki shrunk even more just from that intense serious look on Thor. It was almost like Thor could see right though Loki. And even he knew that he was lying. He could still remember [Y/N]’s words in his head. “No. She… she told me,” Loki admitted.

Thor sat back, hearing the only answer that he needed. He just shrugged. “Then I see no problem why you can’t be together,” Thor remarked.

Loki bitterly chuckled, trying his best not to scoff. “If only it was that easy.”

Thor had to agree with that.  In truth, Thor knew that there was going to be problems if everyone knew. The avengers did trust Loki, but only to a certain extent. Surely, if or when they find out, they would be opinions about Loki dating their fellow avenger.

“Alright, brother,” Thor sighed as he turned towards him. “I know I might not be the expert to these kinds of thing, but know this.”

“If you two really do love each other, you’ll get through anything, absolutely anything. Nothing in universe can ever change that,” Thor continued, looking directly at Loki, making sure his brother understood his words. “Both of you will overcome all.”

“Because, from what I know,” he paused, leaning closer to offer a small smile, “true love would always find a way.”

Loki only stared back, all serious as he took Thor’s words to heart. He before he let out a small amused chuckle. “You talk as if you’ve already been in this place before,” Loki teased.

Thor laughed, clapping his hand on his brother’s back. “I have had my experience,” Thor jested back.

The brothers shared a laugh. Slowly, their laughter died down as they both glanced back up to the sky. Accompanied by the cold breeze of the night, they both stared at the stars, trying to figure out if they could see Asgard from their position. Surely, their mother would love to bear witness of this, the both of them being peaceful and not fighting or killing each other. She would want them to work together and be there whenever the other is in need. She’d be proud. Loki chuckled as a thought crossed his mind, causing Thor to turn towards, wordlessly asking.

“For a moment there, I think I saw mother in you,” Loki mentioned, just above a whisper. Thor glanced in awe at his brother who was giving off a light chuckle. Loki smiled at him before Thor erupted into a wide grin, putting his hand comfortably on Loki’s shoulder.

Thor stayed quiet for a while and Loki appreciated that. But then Thor just laughed as he shrugged. “Well, I do look quite beautiful and majestic under the starlight,” Thor piped up quite confidently, even playfully flicking his hair.

Thor glanced back to Loki, only to find the same unamused face he already knew too much. Loki pushed Thor’s hand off of his shoulder.

“Get away from me,” Loki spat at him like he was poison, standing up to leave him alone and hopefully lock him on the roof top.

Thor immediately sat up, going after his brother. “I was joking!” Thor shouted, laughing in between words as he ran after Loki. “Brother, come back! It was a joke!”

* * *

*

Loki knew [Y/N] was back. He heard the call, the AI’s announcement and even the plane landing. But he didn’t try to go see her. He really wanted to reconcile; he couldn’t stand having fights with her, especially spending time apart because of it. But he knew he would hate it if he’d see [Y/N] put Steve first again. He just decided to talk to her in the morning.

But [Y/N] didn’t know that, she walked down the jet, expecting to see an apologetic god waiting for her arrival. She knew she was the one at fault this time and that she was also the one that should say sorry. But the force of habit just weighed down on her even more. Her occupied mind affected her mission because all she could think about was Loki and how was he doing. So, she had longing to see him again.

But instead of Loki meeting her, there was a smiling blond god waiting.

“Hello, [Y/N],” Thor greeted, more enthusiastic than usual. “Welcome back and congratulations on the accomplished mission.”

“Thanks,” [Y/N] muttered, exhaustion clear in her voice. “A bit battered and bruised here and there but fine.”

Thor chuckled at that as [Y/N] let her eyes wander around, trying to get a glimpse of someone that can be hiding in the shadows. Thor raised an eyebrow as he noticed. “Is there something you’re looking for?”

“No, no.” [Y/N] shook her head before reaching up to lightly feel the bruises by her forehead. “It must just be the concussion acting up.”

“Should I escort you to a doctor?”

“No, it’s fine,” [Y/N] refused, laughing it off. “I’ll just sleep this off, it’s fine.”

Thor studied [Y/N]‘a reaction for a while. There was a tinge of pain in them but he could see that there was something else bothering the avenger. She had the same look on her eyes. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, [Y/N],” Thor greeted, stepping aside to let her through. [Y/N] nodded towards him before walking away. He was left to watch her leave, a little voice in his head nagging him to say something, just to help.

“Um, [Y/N],” Thor called.

[Y/N] stopped, turned around and hummed, offering a tired yet friendly smile. Thor cleared his throat. “Loki’s in his room,” he mentioned.

“Just putting that out there.”

[Y/N] narrowed her eyes at the man who completely only looked back at her innocently. [Y/N] just nodded. “Thanks Thor.”

* * *

*

Loki would be liar if he said he didn’t want to go run towards [Y/N] and swallow his pride whole just to get her to forgive him, but then again what was new.

He laid on his side on his bed, back facing the door. It was to get any thoughts of leaving that room out the window. He even debated on removing the door just in case he couldn’t stop himself anymore.

Just like the nights before, sleep didn’t come easy. He was submerged in the deafening silence of the four walls trapping him. But then the knob on his door clicked.

The door opened and closed quietly. The footsteps were careful but they cut through the silence just like that. He felt his bed dip as the person sat on the other side of the bed. Without even turning around, Loki already knew exactly who it was.[Y/N] showed up in his room and got in his bed,.

“Loki? Love?” [Y/N] asked in her soft voice. Just the sound of it was enough to make Loki grab onto the sheets, still completely emotionless in her eyes.

“Are you awake?” Loki closed his eyes as he hesitated. He could almost imagine the pained look on her face, almost gutting him.

“Can you face me?” She asked again, her voice almost desperate. Loki couldn’t hold back anymore.

He turned around to see the love of his life, looking down on him. Though the sight in front of him made him sat up in shock. His [Y/N] was covered in bruises and small cuts. She even looked as if she may pass out at any moment.

“[Y/N]! What’s this? Are you alright?!” Loki panicked as his eyes raked over every visible injury on her skin. He placed his hand on her cheek and instantly regretted it when he saw her flinch. “What happened!?-”

“I’m sorry,” [Y/N] whispered out, cutting him off. Loki breathed out on disbelief. He couldn’t understand why [Y/N] even have time to worry about that when she was in this state.

“What are you saying, [Y/N], we should get you to the medical bay,” Loki stressed, anxiety peaking as all he could think about was her. He reached forward, ready to take her to his arms. “Let’s go, are your feet hurt? Here, I’ll carry you.”

“Loki,” [Y/N] stopped him, holding onto his arm to make him face her. “Let me finish first. Please.”

Loki gazed at her for the longest time, yet the pleading look in her eyes stayed.   Loki wished she’d do this another time but she stayed still, waiting for his response. It wasn’t until Loki nodded that [Y/N] opened her mouth. “I was wrong.”

“I should’ve considered your feelings more,” [Y/N] added, eyes turning glossy as Loki couldn’t believe her words.

[Y/N] took a quick breath before glancing up to him. “It was hard on me. I should’ve known it was hard for you too.”

“You’re just so important to me,” she reasoned. “Just the idea of losing you scares me sometimes.”

“I shouldn’t have thought that I had no right to make you feel like you were the one that had to adjust.” [Y/N] shook her head, trying her best to not let her voice crack. “That wasn’t fair,” she admitted.

[Y/N] took a breath, preparing herself for her next words. “I’ve given it some thought,” she paused, voice dropping a few octaves as she gotten more serious.

“I never fought for you. But I should’ve.”

“And if Steve doesn’t approve, or anyone in this damn team doesn’t approve, then that’s on them,” [Y/N] pressed, “That’s not our fault.”

[Y/N] placed her hands on the both sides of his cheek, gently holding his face as Loki let himself be held. [Y/N] looked him in the eye as she took her words straight from the heart. “I want to be with you, and I will. Whatever anyone tries to say.”

“So, can you forgive me?” [Y/N] whispered, much softer this time. A big turn from the strong words she just confessed a moment ago.

Loki didn’t know what to say. He was left speechless, ultimately lost for words. All he could do was stare in awe at the strong woman in front of him that just pledged to fight to be with him, as if he was the most important thing in the world.

He didn’t know what to do. Instead he let out a laugh, reaching for her hand to press it further to his cheek, tilting his head to meet her touch. He kept his eyes on hers as he smiled. 

“And they call me the silver tongue,” Loki laughed through the tears pricking his eyes.

[Y/N] let out a small breath of disbelief, the sides of her lips turning up as a new hope blossomed in her chest. “You’re not angry anymore?”

“After that?” Loki laughed, blinking away the tears. “How could I possibly be?”

[Y/N] could finally sigh in relief. A huge bone was picked from her chest. Loki inched closer, pressing his lips softly to her forehead.

“You worried me so much. All I could think about was if you were safe. And then you come back like this,” he whispered to her skin, carefully avoiding her bruises.

He pulled away, taking a second to take in [Y/N]’s appearance. He basked in the beauty of her smile, the softness of her features and the homely feel of just gazing into her eyes. He couldn’t believe it was possible to miss it this much after only a span of few days.

But then his eyes would land on her injuries. Although Loki knew [Y/N] earned them well as the warrior she was, it still made him sick to his stomach when he remembered that he could’ve been there to help her.

Loki clenched his jaw, his stare becoming more intense. “Next time, I’m going with you whether anyone likes me too or not.”

[Y/N] let out a chuckle, amused but she didn’t try to argue. “Okay.”

Loki relaxed, thankful that [Y/N] didn’t insist against him. He came closer and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to his chest so he could place his lips on her forehead. “I missed you so much,” Loki muttered.

He pulled back just enough to look at his beloved, an almost accusing expression situated his eyes. “You don’t know how torturous it was to be away from you after a fight.”

“It was absolutely maddening,” he swore, seeming as if he was only emphasizing when he was serious as he can be. “I almost broke into Stark’s lab to get your location to come for you.”

Imagining that scene alone was enough to make [Y/N] laugh. But in her curiosity, she instead tilted her head, wordlessly asking why he didn’t. That’s when [Y/N] completely regretted ever thinking about asking.

Loki paused, the excitement in his whole expression completely gone. He was going onto his own words in his head. The sentences getting caught in his thrust as he remembered just what stopped him from doing. “But I - but I worried that you’d push me away, that you won’t need me,” he whispered.

Then he corrected himself. “That you  _don’t_ need me.”

“Hel, I even thought you’d want to leave me,” Loki bitterly added.

“Loki…” [Y/N] stepped in, a determined look on her face. [Y/N] was about it to stop him right there before he could push himself down even more. But he persisted.

“But then someone talked to me, and listened to me,” he perked with a certain glint in his eyes, “and made me realize something.”

[Y/N] looked skeptically, surprised to be hearing this. “Realize what?”

Loki reached for her hand, slowly taking it up to his lips before placing his focus back onto her. “We can get through anything. And that if we really do love each other, then we can find a way around any problem.”

He intertwined his fingers with hers, letting a gentle smile form his lips, hope radiating from his simple words. “And I am definitely willing to do so if you wish the same.”

[Y/N] felt like she was over the moon. Her cheeks were aching from her smile and some of her tears were threatening to fall. “Yes, I’d like that,” she whispered.

Loki was about to thank her for that answer but then she started shaking her head as the thought only came to her now. “Wait, who is this?” [Y/N] asked, a bit giggly and lightheaded from this conversation.

Loki just shrugged, giggling himself. “Doesn’t matter.”

Loki placed his forehead onto hers, gazing right at her eyes. [Y/N] could almost feel his heartbeat from this close. “What matters is you.”

His gaze traveled down, flickering to her lips then back at her. Loki slowly leaned in, bringing her closer. He tilted his head and [Y/N] followed suit, closing her eyes. She could feel his breath lightly fanning her her face but then.

“But I do have to admit.” Loki suddenly pulled away, leaving [Y/N] to abruptly stop and open her eyes, pursing her once puckered lips. Loki smirked.

“That,” he paused, referring to her little speech, “that was beautiful.”

[Y/N] only sighed, knowing he was teasing her. But she kept her face gentle as she answered, “nothing close to the pleasure of having you by my side everyday.”

Loki blinked, not expecting that answer. His face scrunched up as he groaned, mentally holding himself back. He could see right through his love’s innocence. “You’re learning too much from me, my little minx.”

[Y/N] giggled while Loki playfully glared at her. He gently pinched her chin, immediately making [Y/N] stop and acknowledge Loki who was inches from her face. He smirked, loving the fact that he could make her focus only on him.

Not long before he brushed her lips with his. Loki pulled her onto his lap, comfortably sitting on him as [Y/N] wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers entangling with his hair. He placed his hand behind her neck, while the other was supporting her back.

“[Y/N], I love you,” Loki whispered to her lips. She smiled, placing her hand on his cheek and caressing his skin with her thumb. “I love you too, Loki.”

As they pulled away, [Y/N] panting a little bit from lack of air. They both laughed a little, laughing at how possibly stupid they must look like now. [Y/N] leaned over, nuzzling her face to his neck as she pulled Loki to an embrace. He automatically rubbed her back, melting in the feeling of being in her arms.

“Stay?” He asked, words slightly muffled. She weakly nodded. “Of course.”

Not long until they got into position on the bed, facing each other. Loki was about a feet apart to give her as much space as she needed, as if they weren’t just making out a moment ago. [Y/N] let out a small laugh before reaching out for him, inching closer to his body. “Come closer.”

Loki chuckled, watching as the woman made herself comfortable beside him. He brushed her hair away from her face. “Sleep, [Y/N].”

As his fingers brushed against a certain tender part of her forehead, [Y/N] uncontrollably flinched in pain. Loki grimaced. “We really need to get that checked.”

“I’m fine, it’s okay,” [Y/N] reassured before wrapping an arm around his torso. “Let’s just sleep.”

Loki could see that [Y/N] was still in pain as she tried to curl up to him. “I still feel like I should bring you to the medical bay.”

“Shut your face and sleep, Odinson,” [Y/N] rumbled, eyes already closed. Loki sighed, knowing there’s no getting to her.

“Here, let me,” Loki instead offered. [Y/N] was about to ask until he raised his hand to her face, the coldness of his palm giving comfort to her wound. She let out a little moan.

“Why don’t you do this more often?” [Y/N] let out a gasp as she nestled her face to his hand that was turning a light blue.

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think I should?”

[Y/N] shrugged, snuggling more against him. “It just looks handy.”

“I wouldn’t want you to be treating me like a personal ice bag rather than a lover.”

[Y/N] snuggled closer, fluttering her eyes suggestively. “We can always try both.”

Loki snorted. “Not when you’re injured,” Loki half-scolded, glaring at the woman playfully as he was pushing down the need to break out to a smile.

[Y/N] pouted as she huffed. Her breath fanning over the skin on his neck as sleep slowly set in. “I end up injured after anyway,” she yawned.

Loki couldn’t stop his lips from breaking out to a grin. He let out a small laugh, bringing [Y/N] to lay on his chest, pressing a small kiss on her hair. “Sleep well, my beloved.”

* * *

*

It was morning and the sun has been up already for hours. Loki woke up at the first crack of dawn. He gently shook [Y/N] to wake her up. He didn’t want to but he knew she wanted to be up. She always tried to sneak out of his room before the sun could shine.

But instead of waking up, [Y/N] only clung to Loki more, mumbling random words under her breath before pressing her face to his chest. At that point, Loki’s control crumbled as he let her sleep.

After a few hours, [Y/N] woke up. Loki greeted her, almost too happily while she could only mumbled a good morning before pulling on Loki’s hand and leading him out of the room.

[Y/N] was quiet, probably because she was still half asleep. But her hold on his hand was firm, almost like she didn’t want him to let go.

Loki started to be more wary when he realized [Y/N] was pulling him towards the dining room where every avenger of the compound was most likely having breakfast. He kept whispering words to her ear, telling her what exactly what she was doing but without any food in her system, [Y/N] could really care less.

It wasn’t long before they entered the busy kitchen. As they did, only a certain red head who was also half asleep, carrying a cup of coffee saw them first.

“Huh.” Natasha blinked, causing everyone to look up from their own conversations to see the couple.

“Woah,” Wanda gasped as she dropped the spoon on her oatmeal, completely letting an open-mouthed Vision stay in position.

“Oh fuck,” Bruce cursed, the scientific gibberish he was telling to Tony already forgotten.

“Dammit.” Tony, who immediately recovered from his shock, groaned before reaching onto his pocket.

“Hah, five bucks,” Clint laughed shortly, holding out his hand.

“Are you kidding me,” Sam breathed out while Bucky only snorted.

“I called it,” Bucky nonchalantly muttered before going back to his cereal.

And then there was a very speechless Thor, siting at the back with a wide happy grin and two thumbs up.

Loki opened his mouth, hoping to explain but [Y/N] had other plans. She walked past everyone, ignoring all of them, still having an iron grip on his hand. She went straight to the fridge, narrowing her eyes at Sam who was standing in front of it.

“Move,” she grumbled, making the terrified man immediately get out of her way. She pulled out a gallon of orange juice from the fridge before putting her glance back to Loki. Her eyes were soft, wordlessly asking him. Loki nodded, letting go of her hand to go get a glass.

[Y/N] walked towards the counter, taking a seat on the stool, resting her chin on her palm she tried to blink away the sleep from her eyes. All the while, Natasha walked towards her, tilting her head with a questioning smirk plastered on her face.

“So…” Natasha trailed but [Y/N] only hummed, her face completely neutral. “Yup.”

“That’s all we’re getting?” Tasha teased.

[Y/N] shrugged, not knowing what else to say. “Pretty much.”

Tasha sighed, giving [Y/N] small side hug, showing her support to which she returned. Loki arrived with a glass and poured her some juice. Natasha took this opportunity to glare daggers straight to Loki before going back to her chair.

Thor took this opportunity to sit next to the couple, his bright radiance just bouncing off the walls.

“Congratulations, brother, [Y/N],” Thor congratulated, nodding over the two couple. “I am very happy for the both of you.”

“Thanks, Thor.” [Y/N] smiled, taking a sip of her drink, glancing towards Loki who mirrored her glad expression. Loki reached for her free hand, confidently taking it in his. Thor couldn’t help but admire the couple, beaming with pride for his brother.

Thor leaned forward, a bit of a smirk on his lips. “I can’t possibly express more happiness at this  _pleasant surprise_.” Thor winked.

Almost instantly, the smiles on the couple’s face faltered. [Y/N] placed the cup back on the counter as the couple stared dead at the clueless blond.

“So, that’s someone,” [Y/N] figured.

“It’s not,” Loki answered, causing Thor’s smile to fall.

Before Thor could say anything, [Y/N] hopped off a stool and left the kitchen with Loki, leaving the poor god behind, confused as to what he said.

When they were far away enough, they don’t know why but they felt like laughing. That wasn’t as bad as they tho guy. If they just knew it would’ve been that easy, then they would’ve done it ages ago.

They were too caught up in their little conversation that they didn’t even notice the man who just came from the gym until [Y/N] heard her name from his voice.

“Steve,” [Y/N] breathed out, feeling as if air was knocked out of her chest.

Steve’s eyes flickered to their hands, then back at her, a hardened yet unreadable expression settling on his face. “You’re together?”

That’s when Loki snapped out of it. He immediately tried to let go of [Y/N]‘a hand, hurriedly making up an excuse in his head. “No. This is purely accidenta-”

“Yes.”

Loki’s head snapped towards [Y/N] who was staring back defiantly at Steve. She didn’t dare to part hands with him. “Yes, Steve,” she repeated, her tone unwavering. “Loki and I are together. We have been for a while now.”

“I make him happy and he makes me happy. I don’t see our relationship as something to be ashamed of,” she confessed, keeping eye contact with Steve as he walked towards her, listening to her words.

[Y/N] raised her chin, an apologetic plastered on her face. “So as my friend, Steve, I hope you can accept that someday,” she uttered, tone quieting down as she waited for her friend’s answer.

Steve stared back mutely at [Y/N], his brows drawn together. He walked closer to her, lips pursed. His eyes flickered towards Loki then back at his friend then to their hands. Steve kept quiet while [Y/N] could clearly see how he was processing it, just hugging by how clenched his jaw was.

[Y/N] thought at that moment that Steve would need more time and he needed to be alone. [Y/N] was about to tell Loki that they should leave until Steve ran a hand down his face, placed his hands on his hips and sighed out. “I guess I should’ve seen it coming.”

[Y/N] almost stumbled over her own feet. Her eyes widened as her jaw dropped. Even Loki’s forehead creased once he heard those words. He raised his and [Y/N]’s held hands, looking at Steve as if he was crazy. “You’re fine with  _this_?”

Steve turned to Loki, glaring daggers towards the man, crossing his arms. “No. It’s surely going to take some getting used to,” he answered rudely.

Then his eyes landed on [Y/N] and his eyes softened, shoulders sagging. “But all I can do is respect [Y/N]’s decision.”

Steve smiled a little at [Y/N], sighing in more time. “It’s not like I can ever tell her to do anything.”

[Y/N] almost ran towards Steve, wrapping her arms around him. “Thank you, Stevie,” she thanked, pulling away, almost tearing up.

“Of course, [Y/N],” Steve chuckled, smiling down.

“I’m just happy that you’re happy,” Steve responded, looking at her as an older brother would do to his sister. “And that’s all that matters to me,” he expressed, only ending in  [Y/N] hugging him tighter this time.

Steve chuckled, much more relaxed than he was before. But that was until his eyes landed back on the god who was silently watching the whole scene unfold in front of him. Steve gently pulled away from [Y/N] as his face almost instantly hardened. “And you.” Steve pointed, earning Loki’s full attention. “You listen here.”

Steve walked towards Loki, sporting an impression [Y/N] knew he only wore during the battlefields. “You dare lay one finger on [Y/N] and I’m telling you, Loki,” he threatened.

“You’ll kill me?” Loki suggested, smiling at the slightest, having heard this threat far too many times.

Steve kept his stature, glaring down at Loki as if he was one of the measly men he’d fight. “You’d wish it were that easy.”

And with that, Steve stepped back, glanced over at [Y/N], sneaking a last smile at his friend before he left the room, leaving the completely speechless couple behind.

[Y/N] walked towards Loki who was left staring to where Steve disappeared to. The man cleared his throat. “That actually was-”

“Terrifying?”  [Y/N] filled in, still weirded out by that threat he never heard Steve utter. 

Loki took in a breath before he laughed. “A bit unsettling,” he chuckled, placing his hands on his hips. [Y/N] hummed, agreeing, having no idea what to say after that.

"I think that’s the closest I’ll ever get to a blessing,” Loki piped up all of a sudden, turning to [Y/N]. She snorted, remembering that talk again. She shook her head as she faced him.

“Loki. I already told you,” [Y/N] assured, reaching up to put her palms on his shoulders. “You don’t need a blessing. You don’t need anyone.”

Loki let out a small giggle, heart warming up from her words. He placed his hands on her hips, bringing her closer. “As sweet as those words sound, my beloved, they aren’t true.”

“Because I do need someone,” Loki whispered, leaning close, his lips inches away from hers, “and that person is you.”

Loki leaned more until [Y/N] moved her head backwards, making him miss. He pulled back, only to see the mischievous glint in his beloved’s eyes as a ghost of a smirk was present on her lips. “I know.” 

Loki narrowed her eyes. “Tease.”

“You love it.” 

Loki sighed, letting his eyes wander. “Unfortunately.”

[Y/N] hugged him, laughing. Loki chuckled as he let her pull him by the hand again. They were going to go back to the kitchen until a certain thought crossed her mind.

“So, today you conquered Captain America,” [Y/N] pointed out.

Loki hummed, nodding. “That’s a way to put it.”

That’s when [Y/N] stopped in her tracks and faced him with an unreadable expression in her face. "Tomorrow…” [Y/N] trailed as Loki glanced at her questioningly, wordlessly asking her to continue.

[Y/N] just shrugged. “Maybe your parents?”

Loki stopped, eyes widening a bit in shock as that question may have caught him with his pants down. [Y/N] raised a brow at him, the corner of her lips twitching amusedly.

Loki let out a small laugh, though it was obvious that that question surely intimidated him. “One trial at a time, my darling, please,” he chuckled nervously.

[Y/N] watched him skeptically before ultimately nodding and continuing to walk. She guesses Loki did deserve a bit of reprieve after all that mess. And she wasn’t one to pressure him into letting her meet his parents. He’d do that if he’s ready and she’s all for waiting for him. That’s what he did for her after all.

Not long until the conversation had already escaped [Y/N]’s mind and was now occupied with thoughts of whatever she should get for breakfast. But that was until a soft voice cut through the silence.

 "Though I do think my mother would just love you,” Loki whispered. [Y/N] stopped, turning her head towards Loki who was fondly admiring, a gentle smile on his lips. She chuckled, shaking her head before she continued with her walk. What a charming man indeed.


End file.
